I Cannot See You Now
For BdB
A Poem Written by Request to
Remember Her Beloved Aunt
Who Took Her Own Life.
12 April 2010
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I cannot see you now
Even though I have looked at you a thousand [many*] times.
I close my eyes and search for your image in my mind,
To see the smile, the twinkle in your eyes
That always assured me of your love.
.
A glimpse is all I want, all I need
To see past your final pain
Welling up as endless tears never bidden
A veil flowing over a lintel
Separating the grasp of our hearts from one another.
.
My tears now flow as that veil
Wishing that for one moment infinitesimally small
I could have carried that pain for you,
That you could have been lifted from its burden
And standing straight, find that spark was not extinguished.
.
My tears now flow as that veil
Wishing that for one instant I could have caught a glimpse
Through the mists of this oceaned globe,
And seeing the dimming of your soul
Called your name so you would recognize my love.
.
I cannot see you now,
Even though a thousand times I have searched
For that one door, open so many times
As we passed through, I in your life and yours in mine,
Now closed and vanished for all my days to come.
.
My door still open to this world is heavier;
I have nailed your memories to it–
So strong they can never fall from its
Scarred surface, because it must match
The wounds that also scar my heart.
.
And though I cannot see you now,
Your memories are secure on the door to my life
They are clear in my mind’s eye, for the images are cast in love
I will visit them as if I am visiting you
And the twinkle in your eye will never fade.
.
Peace is now what I can see when I look for you,
Memories a gentle salve to place upon the wounds
And a vision of your own heart and mind healed
By One whose love I cannot ever match, but hold in hope,
And for you and me, that is enough.
.