What If…Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Gospels?

Photo Courtesy Touchstone Pictures

Occasionally I have the odd and goofy idea that I just have to write down. This is one of those times. Imagine with me for a brief moment if Douglas Adams (thoroughly non-religious person that he was) had been born in the time of Jesus and been given a book contract by the Jerusalem Times to write a gospel. Perhaps we might have ended up with a passage something like this…

Photo Courtesy Touchstone Pictures

And Jesus said them, “Yea, verily, do not panic. For the Father and I are one, but the answer to the question you seek is 42.”  And picking up his towel, he led his disciples to a high place. And it was night, and he bade them to look upon the stars above them, flowing as a great river. Jesus said to them, “Behold the lights of the night. By their movements we follow the seasons, but I tell you a mystery.”  He knelt and taking a hand of soil and letting it flow through his fingers, and said, “From the very dust we were made, yet these grains of sand came from these very lights, for lo, they seem small to us, but the Father has made them great, and the life He has given them is the life He has given us. To him who has eyes, let him see.” And the disciples were troubled at these words, and wondered in their hearts who was this man of Nazareth who claimed to know the mystery of the night sky, and such knowledge of the Lord God.

Photo Courtesy Software.web.de

Or perhaps, this…

And on that day, after saying all these things, Jesus said to his disciples, “It is mid-day, and lo I spoke at great length. The people are hungry.” Phillip said to him, “Master, we are far from the markets and have no way to provide food for the people.” But Arthur, one of the virtually unknown disciples, brought a young boy to him saying, “Look, Lord, this youth has two loaves and five fishes tied up in his towel.” Jesus said, “It is enough. Have all the people sit and pull out their towels.” Now there were about 5000 men present, many with their women and children.

Arthur--The Virtually Unknown Disciple. Photo: Laurie Sparham, Courtesy Touchstone Pictures

And the disciples began to distribute the loaves and the fishes to all of the people and behold, there were twelve towels heavy with food left when all had been served. The disciples questioned Jesus about how such a thing could happen. And Jesus said to them, “With God all things are possible for those who have the faith of a mustard seed and always travel with their towel.” The disciples did not understand the meaning of this, but were afraid to ask again. Jesus said, “It is getting late. Let us retire to the city, for I have been invited to a party given by one of the Pharisees.” As he began to walk down from the mountainside, the people stood and with one voice said, “So long, and thanks for all the fish! Oh, and the bread, too!

Photo Courtesy Random House Publishers

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